absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
