i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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