i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
