You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
