I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
