She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
