I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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