He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
