My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
