Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
