he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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