i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
