no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
