i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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