He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
