So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
