I'm jealous of your bromance
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
