He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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