Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
