my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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