Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
