if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
