Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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