I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
