Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
