there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
