For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
