Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
