he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
organizing the empties. That sober.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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