I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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