shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
