I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
