I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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