i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
