I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
