I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
