Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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