just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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