Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize