Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
