I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
