The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
