After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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