Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
