yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
