The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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