Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
