At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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