just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
