so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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