Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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