so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
