I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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