fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
