My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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