the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
