I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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