I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
