I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize