and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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