I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize