you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
