Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
