Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
