Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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