We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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