some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
