And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
