So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
