i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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