Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
