fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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