So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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